Serving

Hey guys! Sorry there hasn’t been any post in a while ūüė¶ Been busy with life + I had/have a severe case of writer’s block. I’ve got exams soon too so don’t expect any post soon. For now, I have something small for you guys. A blogger asked to me write a story for him and he gave me the story line. All credit for the story itself goes to him. I only take credit for the actual writing. (You can check out his blog-> http://coolprincee.wordpress.com )
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“I’m sorry Carol but it’s over”
“Hello?”
She hung up
As he sat under the tree in front of his compound relishing the cool of the evening, he couldn’t even be bothered. He’d finally ended it.
“Teacher John”
He looked up and saw her. The girl with the big brown eyes that seemed to search one’s soul. He’d noticed her the very first day he stepped into Federal government girls’ college Calabar. He was fresh out of the University of Lagos and had just been posted to Calabar for his NYSC. He’d never left Lagos and so Calabar was new to him,different. She was different. She was nothing like the stuck up,superficial,materialistic girls he’d known all his life. Nothing like Carol. And eventhough he fought the attraction with all his might, his chiselled face still gave way to a smile whenever he saw her. There was something about her. The way she smiled,the way her big brown eyes lit up whenever he taught the class something new,the way she said his name with her accent and always with the prefix “teacher”.
“Teacher John good evening”
“Good evening Koko”
She had a tray of groundnuts sitting on her head.
For the past eleven months,he’d waited in front of the compound everyday to buy groundnuts from her. As she set the tray down on the ground and he reached into his back pocket, he realised that in his hurry to get outside where there was reception so he could call Carol, he’d forgotten his wallet on his bed.
“Koko follow me inside. I forgot my wallet”
She looked hesitant at first.
“Should I follow him inside? He’s teacher John. He’s not a stranger. Besides,I need to sit down” Koko thought to herself.
Before Koko could even make up her mind, she found herself already following him.
Teacher John’s house was simple but clean.
“Sit down and have some water”
She obeyed. She was too tired to even argue.
Sitting led to eating and eating led to chatting and chatting led to laughing. Before she knew it, it was dark outside.
As Koko walked back home and John cleared the dishes, they both thought about their time together. One thing reigned in both minds, they’d both found a friend in each other.
And so after school everyday for the next month, Koko would go to teacher John’s house after selling most of her groundnuts and they would have lunch and talk for hours.
The days of that month seemed to breeze by and before they knew it,it was his last evening in Calabar.
“I’m leaving at 5 am with the first bus” He said with his hand on her lap.
He was sitting so close that he was whispering.
“I’ll miss you Koko” and then he kissed her
She didn’t kiss back but she didn’t stop him.
She could feel his hands moving all over her body.
Clothes came off.
She wanted to say no but she wanted this.
She wanted him to have her pride. Pride; that’s what her mother called it when she told her to keep it for her husband.
He wasn’t her husband but she loved him. She knew she couldn’t give him anything but herself.
************************************************************
“Take care of yourself oh! Call us everyday! Make sure you don’t follow all those useless London girls oh!”

“Mummy! I’m not going to primary school. I’m going for my Masters. I’m no longer a child ma. I’ll be fine!”
John gave his mother a hug, put his luggage in the trunk and got in the car.
As they drove out of the gate, he suddenly remembered that he’d left his phone in his room.
“Daddy, stop the car please. I left my phone in my room”
“Hurry up or you’ll miss your flight”
He got out of the car and ran into the house, running up the stairs in twos.
He got to his room panting. His phone was ringing,unknown caller.
“Hello”
“Teacher John” said the small voice on the other end.
He froze.
He hadn’t heard her voice since that night before he left Calabar 6 months ago. He could see the tears on her face and hear her soft sobs as she went home that night as if it was yesterday.
“Koko” he whispered
“Teacher John, I’m pregnant”
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Ironically,my friends are currently at their NYSC camps in Ebonyi, Kwara, Kogi and Lagos. Guys, here’s wishing you a wonderful camp experience. Don’t impregnate anybody or get pregnant oh!(Unless of course you want to. LOL!). I pray that God watches over you and keeps you safe! All the best boos!!! You’ll be fine! *group hug*

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It’s been a while!!!!! I wish I had some off the hook post to put up right now but I don’t ūüė¶

I was writing something actually and I¬†was going to put it up some time this week but my phone crashed and it had to be formatted so¬†I¬†lost the post I¬†was writing. Oh well, I’ll have to put it up some other time then.

So if I don’t have any post to put up,why am¬†I¬†here you might ask? Good question! Well,if you think about it,this IS a post! Despite the fact that I’m at this very moment typing God knows what, this is a post!

Actually,I’m at Accra mall trying to download the software for my phone that crashed and I’m¬†extremely bored so¬†I¬†thought I’d¬†come here and do a little cleaning of cobwebs and clearing of weeds before you guys’ll¬†think I’d¬†left Blogsville,I’d died or worse still, I was in kiri¬†kiri¬†prison rotting away. You thought so?¬†Tell my enemies you didn’t see me oh! No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper!¬†(oh crap,my download¬†just went from 34% back to 0%!!!! chai! My enemies are at work oh!!!! Which kain¬†tin be this na! Looks like I’m¬†going to be here much longer than I thought!¬†)

So since you’re here and I’m here and I’m still typing and you’re still reading,let’s talk about something before we all doze off! What do you want to talk about? sorry? I can’t hear you,please speak up… Twitter? Really? Are you sure? Okay!

Alrighty then,Twitter. Let’s exclude the verified accounts and Nigerian celebs and talk about normal Nigerian twitter.Right! So Twitter! The modern¬†day capitalist society as @barachelndions¬†once referred to it! (Oya go and google capitalist real quick and hurry back).¬† We have the bourgeoisie and the proletariat. I will use some illustrations to help you understand better. BOURGEOISIE:

@TheFreakingBoss

BIO: Discombobulated Martian stuck on earth¬Į..(‚ÄĘÕ°.Őģ ‚ÄĘÕ° )../¬Į

LOCATION:New Jersey

TWEETS: 57,500

FOLLOWERS: 3974

FOLLOWING: 200

The ones that have followers in thousands.The ones that people are always retweeting and LOL’ing their tweets.The ones that people refer to in real life by their handles..The ones you have to follow whether or not they follow back ¬†for your tweeting experience to be complete,the ones you see all over your TL even when you’re not following them.The cool kids!..You get the picture.

Then we have the proletariat:

@HorlarmeedayHawtBaybe

BIO: i¬†juz¬†want to c wat diz¬†tweeter z about.I finna 2 meet nu frendz.Add me up on your phone lets know eachoda.Facebook PIN: Horlarmeeday¬†HawtestInTown¬†Harbiordhun…BB PIN:289BHY54

LOCATION:Ibadan/Akure

TWEETS: 102

FOLLOWERS: 10

FOLLOWING: 694

The ones that people are always gbagaun’ing,the ones that are forever DM’ing people ‘hey can i gets to know you more?”,the ones that should still be trapped on FB,the ones that have eggs as avatars or pics of themselves wearing shades and posing in okija¬†forest,the ones always begging Donjazzy¬†for RT’s,the ones that spell “ambience” as “umbeyonce” and “nonchalant” as ‘none shallaunt’.

And eventhough¬†there’s no middle class in a real life capitalist society,twitter has that! Let’s call them tweeps:

@Ms_DammyK

BIO: fun,witty,reserved. I am who I am:)

LOCATION:Lagos

TWEETS: 9,000

FOLLOWERS: 280

FOLLOWING: 198

The ones that sometimes get their 5 minutes of fame by cracking a really good joke,the normal ones…

I like to think I’m¬†a tweep(My glorious God won’t let me snap pic beside guava tree wearing ‘Roy Buns”and use as avatar)…

Twitter is just…. Infact! So much freaking drama day in and day out! If it’s not an argument between Snapturians¬†and ubersocialites¬†or an argument about if buns is better than puff puff¬†or a twitfight¬†about who knacked¬†who for white BlackBerry torch, it’s¬†a scandal about who blogged about who or a¬†series of insults directed at Ms Barbie or Mr oracle¬†etc. sometimes¬†I¬†just stay in the shadows and just read my TL! I¬†must admit,Nigerians are hilarious! WOW! Things you see on twitter can keep you laughing for days! Sometimes I’ll¬†remember a tweet and start laughing in public and people’ll¬†think I’m¬†mad…. Rumours spread faster than herpes on Allen avenue…On twitter,people can make mount Kilimanjaro out of a grain of sand! If you doubt it, just tweet “please who¬†is Kanyin¬†West of Good music?Are she that girl who¬†won¬†idol West Africa?”…I swear,you’ll delete your account in the next¬†two hours! You might even need a face transplant to be able to walk the streets of Lagos!*checks download* 50% *sighs*

Some people tend to forget that twitter isn’t real life.Some take twitter way too seriously. Calm the hell down.¬†The moment you realize that you’re like that or you’re becoming like that, please stay away from twitter for some time!

Twitter is fun. Everyday there’s something to laugh about,to talk for hours about. Twitter can keep you entertained in the most boring class. Twitter keeps you informed,up to date. It’s the place where you can rant about irrelevant crap and find people that’ll listen and join in. Basically it’s where you can say what you want to say seeing as Facebook is full of family members and stalkers.

Sometimes I wonder if I would ever deactivate my twitter account and why. I wonder if twitter will become like Facebook and what new thing people would move on to if it did.

Well, for now,I’m¬†gonna ‘tweet in the moment’….(Ahn¬†ahn! Check out that ending mehn!!!!*runs off to check mentions*)

DISCLAIMER: Biko¬†I wasn’t referring to anyone in this post oh! If you think¬†I was, that one is inside your pocket.And if you’re taking this post P,na u sabi oh!…Thanks for reading :*

p.s if there are any mistakes or gbagauns,help me manage because I’m too tired and hungry to edit this post…Thanks

Jammed

“Lord God,Lord God,Lord God this is not happening again!!!”
I’ve stared at the computer screen so long that my brain seems to be hurting.
Still, clear as crystal, that number remains on the screen.
150…150?! How the hell did this happen?!
Let me be sure this is my result! I rub my eyes and look again. Same number! D’uh!! Like rubbing eyes ever works!
I log out and log in again…

JOINT ADMISSIONS AND MATRICULATION BOARD.
Candidate Name: Salami, Adetoun Mary
Gender: Female
State Of Origin: Ondo
Local Govt: Owo
Registration Number: 1563485655
Examination Number: 9635444482
Examination Centre: Yaba College of Technology Secondary School G.R.A. Yabatech Quaters,Yaba.

EXAMINATION RESULT
Use of English:33; Government= 27; Lit in Eng= 30; Christian Rel. = 60; Aggregate= 150

It’s still the same!!! It’s really my result!!!
What in God’s name am I going to do now?! How will I even tell my parents?!
This is the 6th year in a row that I’ve written JAMB! 6th!!!
The first time, I got 220. My mum said I had to do it again the next year because we are known for great results in my family. She said my sister had 303 and my brother had 290 and that they didn’t have two heads. My dad said I didn’t have to do it again if I didn’t want to because the result was good enough to enter Unilag,my first choice. But I like a challenge! And I hate it when my mum compares me to my siblings so I waited and did it again the next year only to score 200. And then I did it again the next year and the next and on and on… The results just got worse year after year! 220 then 200 then 190 then 185 then 170 and now 150?!?!

The computer beeps indicating that I have five minutes of internet time left. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a crisis?!” I hiss at the computer before I remember that I’m in public. Everyone is looking at me like I have a leprechaun dancing on my head. I hurriedly log out and practically run out of the cyber cafe.

Just perfect!!! Just perfect!!! After I paid that foolish lesson teacher a whole 20k to get me dubs,I still got 150?!

Who have I offended now?! Am I possessed or something?! God but why?! I promised to join the choir if I had a good score; that deal is definitely off now!
Chai! What will I do now?!
My mum told me that this year will be the last time she’ll register me for JAMB. Even LASU or Lagos State Polytechnic won’t accept me now! I know exactly what my mother will say; it’s the same thing she has said every year, “Toun,JAMB has jammed you!”

Hot tears are threatening to roll down my cheeks when suddenly,a chalkboard in front of a small store catches my eye. It reads:
“Sale girl with secondry school certificate wanting. Good salary”

I take a good look at the store. “NO KING LIKE GOD INTERNATIONAL SPARE PART SHOP. 3 OLOWU STREET IKEJA. We deals in original imported parts for Mercedes,Honda,Toyota e.t.c”

I walk in.
Fate has decided. Maybe this is my destiny.

***** P.S I did NOT write JAMB oh! Abeg! No be true life story be dis! And if by any chance this actually applies to you,do take heart; Aal iz well! *****